There was no movie on 1193 to San Jose and I was bored. I tried to sleep and failed. I read my ebooks for a while but my Axim was running out of batteries. I looked out the window and remembered why the fly-over states deserve their name. And then I remembered a source of guaranteed entertainment: Sky Mall!
Mall catalogues usually are filled with random crap that no one needs. Some of them are so useless it is hysterical, like the Amazing Ice Melting blocks: pieces of plastic the size of coasters that “melt ice amazingly” given five to ten minutes at room temperature. Yet, if you look closely enough, you can usually find some pretty ingenious devices, or at least some goofy innovations for daily life. I figured I would share with you some of my most recent finds–some useful, some goofy, and some of both:
1) Be your own acupuncturist: New Ancient Technology. “Simply flip a switch and stimulate the qi in your body’s systems where you need it most. A map of acupoints is included with each Aculife.
2) Star Trek Full Size Captain’s chair: “This life size replica Captain Kirk chair features a working swivel design, light up controls, and sound effects from the original Star Trek series.” $2,717.01
3) Personalize your Barbecue! Brand your steaks with this stainless steel BBQ Branding Iron. Apparently every man needs one. Specify up to three initials. $79.95
4) Wonder Woman Cuff Bracelet: “It never hurts a gal to accessorize in case of an emergency.” $24.95
5) Gustbuster Umbrella: “The College of Aeronautics proves it’s unbustable in 55+ mph winds.” This would be mighty handy in places like Chicago, where no matter your direction, the wind will always hit you in the face.
6) Inflatable Movie Screen: “Bring the maic o the bg screen to your backyard! Perfect for your family movie nights and block parties, because everyone can see it all on this big screen out in your back yard. 151″ x 32″ x 107”, $249.99
7) The World’s Largest crossword puzzle: “Holding a Guinness record for its size, this crossword hangs on a full 7′ by 7′ wall space.” $29.95
8) The ipod to ipod transfer Device: Finally a way to pirate (oops! I mean share) music without using a computer. $99.95
9) The Only Digital Camera Swim Mask: Basically a swim mask with a waterproof video camera on top, operating to depths of 15′
10) The Voice Activated r2-D2: “This motorized replica of the headstrong little droid from the iconic Star Wars films responds to voice commands, navigates rooms and hallways, and makes any home feel like it has been transported to a galaxy far, far away.” Apparently he has good and bad moods. If he gets grumpy, you can say, “R2, behave yourself!” and he obeys. Only $169.95